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Holiday Madness

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It starts the day after Thanksgiving: seasonal psychosis – a temporary mental disorder triggered by the time of year. A time of year that unhinges most of the human population and some family pets. A time of year when a soccer mom driving a minivan won’t hesitate to flip you the bird as she pulls out in front of you in the mall parking lot.

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A time of year when good will toward men means showing enough restraint not to rear end a mother of three.

Something about the month of December makes people grumpier than Santa on the Atkins diet. Heck, untangling seven strings of Christmas tree lights alone is enough to make a stable person nuts – let alone someone who’s already suffering from holiday-induced anxiety.

Stress levels are high. Tolerance levels are low. And if you wait until Christmas Eve to shop for that “special” toy for your favorite nephew, you’d better be prepared to wrestle someone’s grandma for it.

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Unless you’re lucky enough to stay loaded on eggnog through New Year’s Eve, you’re likely to experience at least some form of holiday stress.

Because most of us are seriously disturbed enough this time of year, I decided that my goal for this month’s editorial would be to make you laugh – rather than think. Because our cover story examines what you can do to improve your business dealings with adjusters, I decided to offer my own brand of advice on this subject: What NOT to Say to an Adjuster.

I asked a few industry friends for their thoughts, and here’s what we came up with.

Remember, this is all in fun, so feel free to belly laugh as much as possible. If a belly laugh is out of the question, I’ll settle for a chuckle.

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Have a great, safe, sane holiday season!

Georgina K. Carson
Editor

  1. Let’s step outside and settle this .
  2. I know you never charged for this when you had a shop. That’s probably why you don’t have one now.
  3. You know you’re the “only” insurance company that does pay for this!
  4. I was repairing cars when you were still in diapers!
  5. I told the vehicle owner we can’t guarantee the work if he uses you as his insurer.
  6. Did you find that $100 bill laying on the floorboard?
  7. Meet Mona. Here’s the key to my private room. You’ll be negotiating with her for that big-ticket job.
  8. You’re not totaling this?! Then I’d better lay in an order for brazing rods and pop rivets.
  9. Where’d you get that haircut? (This can result in $6,000 being knocked off your estimate. “His hair was a mess!,” says a shop manager who actually asked this question. “Last week he was in, and his hair was sticking up all over. I kept quiet this time.”
  10. Is your seeing eye dog in the car?
  11. What did the magic eight ball say about the 11 hours frame time?
  12. Have you seen what’s posted about you on Hate.adjusters.com? It’s on the bulletin board in the customer waiting room. Check it out.
  13. We never use aftermarket parts! Shop owner to Keystone truck driver who just walked in: Just put that fender against the wall. Thanks.
  14. Man, you really overwrote this car.
  15. It took 2 gallons of Bondo to save that quarter panel you paid us to replace.
  16. The customer is a local cop. Could you write a little heavier so he doesn’t have to pay his deductible?
  17. A customer really dropped off his car off at my shop for repairs? I can’t believe it!
  18. My lot guy backed into the customer’s door. Can we throw this in on the claim?

    If the adjuster is at your shop with his boss, never say:

  19. You said we’d add $500 per claim till we covered your mother-in-law’s car. I can’t carry this forever!
  20. Are you using the Florida condo at Thanksgiving or is it my turn?
  21. Is this guy the bozo you told me about?

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