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Road Hazard: Renegade Primates Ahead

Driving in Northeastern Ohio – especially in the winter – can be treacherous for even the most experienced motorist. Between construction, rubber-neckers and lake-effect snow, you can bet your paycheck there will be several delays on the way to your destination.

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And though I’ve been yelled at, flipped off and even had a cup of coffee hit my car (apparently the driver in front of me had had enough of his morning dose of caffeine), I can honestly say I’ve never been pelted by fruit thrown by marauding monkeys.

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Who has, you wonder? Several Virginia motorists.

Recently, a trio of monkeys with nothing better to do (apparently they’re not involved in enough after-school activities) were caught throwing bananas and crabapples at vehicles on Interstate 95 close to the Virginia-North Carolina border.

According to a police spokesperson, as Virginia state trooper Mike Scott drove along the interstate, he noticed a vehicle on the shoulder of I-95. When he pulled up to the vehicle, Scott saw what looked like a banana smeared on the rear window. Inside the car was an uninjured but slightly confused driver.

“You might think I’m crazy,” said the driver, “but I think two monkeys just threw a banana at my car.”

With the evidence still plastered to the back windshield, Scott took the driver seriously and went searching for the renegade primates. About a mile south, he found two other vehicles – covered with fruit guts – pulled off on the shoulder. Even more of a sight was the crowd of people looking into the trees along the side of the road, searching for the monkeys that hit them.

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“Just about that time a crabapple comes out of the trees and hits another vehicle,” said the police spokesperson.

Caught in the act, the renegade primates ran across the interstate to escape prosecution. (They’re smarter than you think.) Though Scott and another trooper called to the scene ran after them, the monkeys eluded authorities by swinging from tree to tree and then splitting up in the underbrush.

No one’s sure where the mischievous monkeys came from (or who sold them the bananas), but you can bet they’ll be back on the streets. Today it’s throwing crabapples at cars. Tomorrow, they’ll be holding up a fruit stand.

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