I don’t want to spend all of my newly acquired money on a getaway car. Will the Sprinter fit my budget?

At $27,490, the Sprinter is a steal (no pun intended), and its capabilities will make it the getaway car of your dreams. The Sprinter’s turbocharged, five-cylinder diesel engine ranges 22 to 27 miles per gallon, and with a 26.5-gallon tank, it has a range of roughly 600 miles, which will prevent you from making frequent pit stops en route to Mexico.

Alright, it’s a good price, but what features make the Sprinter the best getaway car?

There are three models to choose from: a cab-only flatbed model, a passenger model and a cargo van model, which is probably the best version for you, given that the flatbed model would be dangerous for your co-conspirators during the getaway, and the seats in the passenger model would slow down loading the loot into the vehicle. Plus, dual-side sliding doors make the Sprinter ideal for a quick, smooth escape. With 154 hp, 254 foot-pounds of torque and a 36.7-foot turning radius, the Sprinter has not only the power to hold its own in a high-speed chase, but also the maneuvering to lose the police.

That sounds great, but will it have enough room for the whole gang?

Not only will the Sprinter have enough room for you and eight of your accomplices, but with anywhere from 247 to 473 cubic feet of cargo space, it’ll have room for all those bags of money, too.

Wait a minute, did you say “diesel” earlier? I may rob banks, but I’m not about to trample all over Mother Nature.

Never fear, the 2004 Sprinter met the emission standards in California, where environmentally-friendly celebrities are doing their part to save the earth with the strictest regulations in the country.

Celebrities? So the unconventional-looking Sprinter won’t ruin my cool bank robber rep?

Nah, the Sprinter will actually make you cooler. With more than a million Sprinters sold in Europe since 1995, you’d be a trendsetter helping to popularize it on this side of the pond. Plus, Dodge has plenty of stylish color choices ranging from flame red to calcite yellow. Although, given the intended use of your Sprinter, I’d suggest a more low-key color like jet black or arctic white.

What if the robbery turns sour and one of my boys gets hit by a stray police bullet during his escape into the Sprinter. What can we do?

Not a problem. Simply apply pressure to the wound and don’t worry about the Sprinter – it has washable interior panels, so that blood will come off easily.

Writer Liz Blickle is a full-time intern with BodyShop Business and a part-time bank robber. She spends her “hard earned” money on tuition for Northwestern University, where she’s a sophomore.